it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
