youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you pee in the oven last night??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
