where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
