For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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