the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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