She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
