when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
