fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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