season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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