Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
True strength comes from lack of pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
