guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
