i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
