My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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