There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
