she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
