matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
