I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
