Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
