Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
