i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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