no, he came in my armpit
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
