I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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