i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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