you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
