apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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