But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
