3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
