That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
