FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just got carded by a ten year old.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
