If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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