my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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