I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
