ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He better not be in your backpack
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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