I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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