i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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