I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
