My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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