I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
