I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
