I am puke
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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