Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
