My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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