And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
