Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
