Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
