Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
