i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
