How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
