He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
