Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
