I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
