Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
