I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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