i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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