hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize