I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
