I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
