You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
