Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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