Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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