I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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