someone owes me an orgasm
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
