hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
