I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
