I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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