Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
