Who did Billy Mays play for?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
