Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
