If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
