soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think people are normalizing furries
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
