I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
