what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
