this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
