Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
